Frenzy Friday - State of the Race

As promised, I begin my Frenzy Friday (working title) with this post. I recently watched CNN's Special Report: Black in America. While the special was only 4 hours total, I feel it gave a minor glimpse of of how it is to be a Black person in America, however, it is the responsibility of Black people throughout the country to provide our own voice. It is not CNN's responsibility to provide solutions to the problems of the community (although they did provide examples), it is our responsibility. With that said, I want to focus my thoughts on one segment of the show that I think is extremely important for our community to discuss: the issue of Black male/female relationships.

There is a pervasive problem in the culture with male treatment of women. Women are not seen in a very positive light by male members within the community and it seems to spread out into the general population. In watching CNN's special, there were three main areas that they focused on that I want to tackle. Issues of the Black Family, Dating and Relationships, and Portrayal in the Media. It is generally my practice, and probably academically driven, that I provide some history and for the sake of some credibility I will do so here, albeit less than I normally would.

Historically speaking, the Black Family was doomed from the day it set foot on this continent. It benefited slave traders to break up the family, so they did just that. Needless to say, the lack of men in the families, led enslaved women on plantations to lead an almost matriarchal society. The men married and had children on plantations and were shipped off to another plantation without any care or concern for the welfare of the family. So many men ended up fathering many families and wedding many different women on different plantations. So from a historical standpoint, its no wonder that there are 70% of Black women who are single parents. However, to place the blame solely on a historical basis would be irresponsible and wrong.

So this problem of the Black Family, and also the lack of men in these families, stems from the breakdown in the relationships between Black Men and Black Women. Some Black men who I have spoken to have said that Black Women are "materialistic", "too picky", "setting the standard to high". Personally, I believe that this thought process is what dooms the Black Male to the life that he lives, and in many ways is dooming the Black family and ultimately the Black race. In the CNN special, the 3 major factors that separated Black Men from Black Women were education, economy, and incarceration. In many ways the disparity begins with the fact that Black Women have an overwhelming command of the academy compared to Black Men (a 3:1 ratio). This of course leads to poorer economic conditions, which lend themselves to increasing incarceration. But is that the brunt of it? Black Women have been the staple of the race, being both the bearer of life and, in recent years, the bread-winner. So is that where the problems lie? Has systematic racism completely emasculated the Black Man and left the woman "in charge"? Or is the Black Man simply intimidated by strong, intelligent, educated, beautiful women who will challenge the establishment and status quo? Part of me thinks he is. Why you ask?

I remember thinking about the image of the Black Man in prison and the Black Man in school and thinking that the scholarly Black Man is an exception rather than the rule. I'm not sure how the stats reflect on that but its something that the majority of people undoubtedly believe. However, I cannot help but think about the fact that the majority of the images that the world sees of Black Women are them showcasing their assets on music videos with some rapper or other male in a power position. Yet, the stats actually show the exact opposite. Black women are effectively running the show in Black America. So, why is there a disparity in the real and the actual for Black Women?

I must admit I was asked to write this post by my best friend, an incredibly strong and brilliant Black woman. Her concern, which is the concern of Black Women from coast to coast, is what must or can Black women do to marry or even date inside of the race? My belief is that they keep being themselves. The problem isn't Black Women, its Black Men. Believe me, there are plenty of Black Men doing the positive thing and fighting stereotypes and making a way for themselves in legitimate ways around the country. But those stories are not being broadcasted and Black Boys have no legitimate role models outside of mediocre, misogynistic rap stars. They absorb the images of the Black man in dominate positions on TV, although those positions are often the result of some illegitimate activities. I used to believe that my difference in opinion came from my experience with positive, strong females in my life (read: My mother, sisters, aunts, friends). However, I have seen the exact same experiences used to explain reasons why they shouldn't respect women because these women are not their mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, and therefore are not deserving of this respect.

So where do the repairs begin? It has to start with Black Men. It has to start with us holding ourselves accountable and holding each other accountable for respecting ourselves and our beautiful sisters. We have to take responsibility for the plight of our people. Its only through us that we can make the change necessary.

Wow, that was a ton, but its definitely a discussion that needs to happen. So let's discuss. Your thoughts?